The (Enter Noun Here) of Haruhi Suzumiya
by RocketTortoise
Summary: Set directly after the events of the Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya, Kyon is relishing life back to normal. However Haruhi and the SOS Brigade are anything but normal. It seems that the grass is always greener in hindsight and Kyon must deal with Haruhi's ever-changing moods as they come. Warning: Story may contain aliens, time travellers, espers and Tsuruya. You were warned...


**The [Enter Noun Here] of Haruhi Suzumiya**

**Written by RocketTortoise**

**Chapter One**

**A/N: So… yeah… This is something new that I am doing… I don't know how long I'll continue this series for… depends on how many of you like this series and my mood… How are you doing? You're looking good! I like how that shirt brings out your eyes. What? Oh yeah… I have been known to hit the weights. Ooh… burn! I know I walked right into that one... Look, I've got to start this story at some point or people are going to become disinterested… I'll get back to you later! Ok see you later!**

**Ok this is the serious A/N: You guys should know that this series or whatever will be set from the ending of the Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya onwards due to the fact that I have not read the following books and may not have a chance to in the near future. Therefore, if I miss out on aspects from those books then please do not rip my head off. If you find that you cannot stomach such impotency from an author then by all means, the red button with a cross on it is on the top right corner. Begone! If you are still here then congratulations but remember that that button will always be there if you wish to utilise it. I won't blame you… out loud.**

**Oh yeah… I'm not Japanese so if I make a grievous cultural error then by all means inform me of that and I'll see what I can do to correct that. I'll try not to be too culturally insensitive but accidents happen.**

Surprisingly Haruhi could cook a pretty decent hot pot.

For all I know, I could collapse on the spot as I narrate this to you and start vomiting all over the page but still her hot pot tasted pretty good.

I entered the entrance to the SOS Brigade's clubroom where the other members of the brigade were finishing the final touches to the Christmas party that Haruhi Suzumiya had organised off the fly. Haruhi herself and Mikuru Asahina were working together on the hot pot, using the portable gas stove that Haruhi had acquired from an undisclosed location when the SOS Brigade was first formed. Technically fire was banned from the school building which housed the SOS Brigade clubroom but so far Haruhi had gotten away with it.

Itsuki Koizumi was moving around the room making sure that the decorations set up around the room were in place. He held a look on his face that made him look like he was an expert in the ancient art of Christmas-themed interior design. I'm sure I saw him adjust a decoration only to adjust it back to its original position just to please Haruhi.

Yuki Nagato was flicking through a cluster of music CDs. I must say that I didn't pick Nagato as the music type. The lavender-haired girl barely ever even expressed herself through speech let alone through music. Whatever, if it took her mind off the previous few days then it couldn't be too bad an idea.

Asahina's friend Tsuruya was holding a one-sided conversation with Nagato about the music that they were sorting through. Nagato once told me something about how the amount of data transmittable through verbal means was limited. As far as verbal means go, Tsuruya transmits a lot of data in a very small space of time. It I was in Nagato's position, I would either have to tune Tsuruya out or risk having my mind literally explode.

I checked the clock on the wall. There was still half an hour to go before the first guests should be arriving. Haruhi and Asahina were apparently almost finished with the hot pot because Haruhi suddenly announced, "Okay Mikuru! Time to get changed into your costume!"

Asahina started to whimper as Tsuruya lost interest in her barrage of data on Nagato and approached Haruhi and Asahina, grinning madly. Haruhi noticed Asahina's hesitation and added, "You can either change now or change when all the guests have arrived!" Asahina's whimper grew even louder when Tsuruya started giggling before finally murmuring assent. With that, Koizumi and I left the clubroom while Haruhi and Tsuruya 'helped' Asahina get changed into her costume.

While the fuss went on inside, Koizumi looked up at me, "So Kyon," he started. Oh yeah, if you didn't already know people called me Kyon to my endless frustration. I could go into the origins of my stupid nickname but I don't think I'll go into that right now. "Are you prepared for your sideshow for Ms Suzumiya?" I glared at him and he laughed. "Oh don't worry, I didn't remind her but I don't think Ms Suzumiya is the type of person who will forget _that_."

I sighed. Maybe Haruhi was joking. I hadn't yet seen my costume so maybe this could be one giant illogical joke. Yeah right.

"Ms Nagato informed me of your adventures over the last few days," Koizumi stated. I looked at him and he held that same smile that we wore all the time, making it difficult to read how he was feeling. "It seems that you have saved the world as we know it yet again."

"I guess," I mutter. "I still have to go back in time and finish what I started."

"There will be plenty of time for that later," Koizumi replies.

At that moment the voice of Haruhi called out from inside the clubroom, "You can come in now!"

Koizumi smiled at me, "You should have time for a little Christmas party, no?"

The two of us walked inside to see Asahina in the Santa costume that I had seen her in once before and it looked just as good on her now as it did then. You could tell from Asahina's body language that she was deeply embarrassed now that Koizumi and I had re-entered the room and it was obvious she really wished the skirt was longer.

I looked for Haruhi who had gone missing and she appeared from behind the rack holding all of Asahina's costumes and she pulled out another costume that was wrapped in plastic. "Right Kyon, your turn!" I stood there with my mouth gaping. Crap. However I caught the costume when Haruhi passed it to me and Haruhi, Asahina, Tsuruya and finally Nagato exited the room. I unwrapped my costume from the plastic and I was no happier about it now then I was a few moments ago. Koizumi took a seat around the table that held up the hot pot and chuckled as I gaped at the costume. Haruhi banged on the door, "Hurry up, Kyon! It's cold out here! Think about poor Mikuru you selfish moron!" There was sniggering from Tsuruya then silence.

Grumbling I threw on the costume and sat down by the heater. I considered leaving the girls outside to freeze but I couldn't do that as long as Mikuru and Nagato were out there. Grudgingly I growl, "Whatever, I'm done."

The door slammed open and Haruhi took one long look at me in my pretty reindeer costume before collapsing into hysterics. The combined laughing of Tsuruya and Haruhi was enough to send me into an even darker mood. I looked at Mikuru for comfort and to my horror even she looked like she was holding in a laugh. With a newfound sense of betrayal I turned to Nagato who had moved back to the collection of CDs and starting sifting through them again.

When Haruhi finally managed to hold a pause from her laughing fit she gasps, "Where are the antlers?" I look around and see the attachable antlers on the ground by my feet. I picked them up and put them on my head. This sends the two girls into a new round of laughter. Why did I come back to this world again?

The first guests arrived and I was surprised to see Kunikida and Taniguchi stepping through the door. Now this was an interesting change of developments. "Hey Taniguchi, I thought you were having a date with your girlfriend?"

Taniguchi turned to me and took a reflexive step back, "What the hell are you wearing Kyon?"

"Shut up and answer the question."

It seemed that Taniguchi was going to avoid the question so Kunikida answered for him, "His girlfriend realised how much better she could do and dumped him."

I laughed, "Seriously?"

Taniguchi scowled at both Kunikida and I, "No! She just had to cancel because of a family emergency."

"Right…" Kunikida said unconvinced, winking at me. I laughed again.

"What about you though, Kyon?" Taniguchi asked, clearly trying to change the subject. "Suzumiya has you wrapped around her finger doesn't she? Why else would you wear that get-up?"

"Shut up Taniguchi," I growl, taking off the antlers and tossing them to the side. "I'm not wrapped around anyone's finger."

Suddenly Haruhi was yelling, "KYON! PUT THOSE ANTLERS ON RIGHT NOW!" I flinched and found myself scrambling to retrieve the antlers and placing them back on my head.

I returned to find Taniguchi and Kunikida sniggering, "So… so whipped." Taniguchi muttered.

I really, really wanted to punch Taniguchi in the face right now but I showed restraint and violence did not ensue.

A few more guests turned up, possibly friends of Koizumi or Asahina. Nagato started playing some music on the stereo that Haruhi had no doubt procured through non-conventional channels. The song was some semi-popular song from some semi-popular boy-band that I couldn't remember the name of. The music was extremely repetitive and I found myself tuning it out. I ended up talking to Taniguchi and Kunikida for most of the night. I checked up on Nagato to see how she was doing and spent a bit of time talking to her or at least trying to. After the events of the last few days, Nagato seemed to be reluctant to keep up any sort of conversation. That was understandable. Nagato would need a bit of time to fully recover from changing time and being on the brink of being deleted by her superiors. I will be there to help her through it if necessary.

I found myself hungry and I tried some of Haruhi's hot pot and like I mentioned earlier, it wasn't too bad. If Asahina had been helping Haruhi make it, nothing too bad could have made it in could it? This was Haruhi we're talking about. And like I stated earlier, the hot pot wasn't too bad. When I tried it Asahina watched me expectedly. She asked me how the hot pot was and I replied that it was good to her relief. Haruhi ruined the moment by exclaiming, "Of course it's good! I did make it after all! Eat up, Rudolph! You're up soon!" I sighed and tried to prolong my meal for as long as possible. I was about half way through my bowl when Haruhi stated, "Ok, you've had enough! Kyon, on my desk now!"

Breathing indecencies to myself, I slowly stepped onto Haruhi's desk that usually carried the computer on it but was now clear for the party. Haruhi called out to make the announcement, "Hi everybody! Thanks for coming tonight! Kyon here is going to perform for you now! He has to do whatever you guys tell him to do in the most humiliating and emotionally scarring way possible! Ok let's start!"

Taniguchi was the first to call out, "Do a somersault off the desk!" I glared at him however I didn't go through with his demand. I could feel Haruhi glaring through my skull and she exclaimed, "Hurry up and do it, Kyon!" I groaned. So there was no concern about my safety at all, was there? I looked at Taniguchi slightly pleadingly and eventually he changed his demand, "Actually I want you to do the chicken dance."

I might have thanked Taniguchi if I didn't have to do the chicken dance. And with a sort of humour that most wouldn't associate with Nagato, the chicken dance song began playing. For the hundredth time that night, I sighed and began the dance of the fowl to the delight of my audience.

As you could expect, the rest were equally if not even more demeaning and humiliating. The worst was probably when I had to perform a sultry dance towards Haruhi while the fitting music played in the background. This one was a Taniguchi creation of course. Haruhi seemed not to be sure whether to punch me or Taniguchi. In the end she punched me after the party was over.

Finally, Haruhi grew bored of my constant humiliations and formally brought the proceedings to a close. "Thanks everybody for coming. If you want to help us clean up then that would be appreciated," By helping us clean she meant me and the others. Tsuruya, Kunikida and Koizumi's friends stayed to help clean up and surprisingly enough Haruhi helped with the clean-up as well. Maybe Haruhi was being touched by a little Christmas spirit? That moron Taniguchi was the only one to leave and stepped out the door shamelessly.

With all the extra help, the decorations were quickly packed away, the pot was taken away to be washed and everything was put back where they were supposed to go. It was quite inspiring.

Eventually the guests made their farewells and the number of people dropped to five. Koizumi was the first to leave, "I think I should be off. I think the party was a roaring success. Great job guys." Haruhi smirked and crossed her arms triumphantly. Nagato was next, she muttered her goodbyes, her eyes fixing on me for a moment longer than the other two then with that she was gone.

Haruhi was grinning. She yawned and stretched her arms and legs out, "Good job tonight Mikuru, you did ok too Kyon if you hadn't complained so much," I thought that I had done quite a good job with following the insane demands of Haruhi. Whatever. "I guess I'll see you guys later. Whoever's last out lock up the clubroom." And with that Haruhi Suzumiya exited the SOS Brigade clubroom leaving Asahina and myself alone.

Asahina seemed shy and I stated, "You can change first. I'll lock up."

"Ok."

I stepped outside and closed the door. Suddenly something came to me, "Ms Asahina," I called.

"Yeah?" came the reply from inside.

"Has Nagato talked to you about what happened to me when I was in a coma?"

"Yes," Asahina replied. "Yuki has informed me about recent events."

"Then you understand that I have to go back, to finish the job."

"Yes, I understand."

"Ok, good."

"Do have any preference when we should go back?"

"Sooner rather than later probably."

"I do not believe that my superiors have any complaints about a timejump with Yuki."

"Ok good then I'll tell you when I'm ready to go."

"Ok…" there was silence for a while before Asahina finally spoke up again. "I'm finished."

I stepped back inside and saw Asahina in the casual clothes she had been in earlier. We chatted for a couple of minutes before Asahina said her farewells leaving me as the last person in the clubroom. I quickly changed out of the stupid reindeer costume and switched back into my normal clothes. With the extra warmth I reluctantly switched off the heater then after taking another look around the clubroom checking for anything wrong, I stepped outside. I flicked the lock from the inside and closed the door, locking it.

Smiling to myself I walked down the hall to the stairs that would take me out of the building. It was nice to get back to normal after timewarps and homicidal teenage girls. Huh, so a Christmas Party with Haruhi Suzumiya was normal now? I kept smiling. Even though I had been humiliated in front of an audience because of Haruhi Suzumiya and her insane baggage, I really missed the SOS Brigade. I missed the Human Interface Yuki Nagato, even though it was she who was responsible for my adventures in that altered timeline. I missed the time traveller Mikuru Asahina in all her cosplay glory and the awkward but strong friendship between us. I even missed Koizumi with his strange cheerfulness and his borderline worship of his brigade chief.

And most of all, I missed Haruhi Suzumiya and all the craziness that accompanied her. I had realised that in the altered timeline and even though in my head it made no sense whatsoever, it felt right in my heart and I wouldn't take any world apart from this one. Of course Haruhi would always be Haruhi and she will no doubt do many things in the near future that will send me to my hair's end but for now I showered in the warm feeling that Haruhi Suzumiya and her SOS Brigade delivered in my heart.

Damn it, all this time-crap has left me feeling all soft.

Damn it.

**First chapter done! Okay make sure you review below. I have a good feeling about this story. It's a nice break from my usual genre. You've done well, reader. Hopefully this chapter has been worth your time and if you have any criticisms or praise then please, tell me. Trust me; I need the confidence that people are reading my story. I'm really insecure like that. Not that there's anything wrong with being insecure. Or is there? Whatever. Bye  
**


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